I have decided that I am happy and that I have nothing to complain about. One of the implications here is that I feel it necessary to block out most (or more if possible) thoughts regarding anything to do with [her]. Until I decide that enough is enough, in order to live up to what I have declared it will be necessary for me to neglect documenting anything to do with [her], since I will have supposedly terminated any germinating thoughts before they can develop to something worth noting down.
I had decided that I was happy when I wrote that, but now I really am not. Nothing at all is going my way this week and I feel like crap again. I am completely unsatisfied (understatement alert) with my life and everything in it.
The bastards at the juice bar are yet to get back to me, and it’s been almost two weeks since they stopped accepting applicants. It can’t take that long to reach my application, now can it? So it looks like they won’t be getting back to me. Brilliant. No one can guess how important this is to me at the moment.
I have a bitch at work going and calling me big-headed and cocky behind my back, which I feel is so not true and very unfair. Mind you, she doesn’t mind complaining all the time about how there’s a lot of backstabbing going on around our workplace (which there isn’t as far as I’m concerned) and how she doesn’t approve of it.
You can try as hard as you want to ignore some undesirable, blatant, significant attribute in your life—you can try until your arse drops off—but all the effort in the world won’t help if this attribute is significant enough to you. And then, let’s say there’s someone important to you who’s going through a similar scenario—here’s a very opportune moment to realise that you aren’t at all too keen on your own situation, even though you’ve been trying so hard to persuade yourself otherwise for God knows how long.
There’s not much I hate more than your troubles getting to you after months of unsuccessful self-coaxing, and knowing that there’s no point in ignoring them any longer.
I hate feeling like a second resort and nothing more. There are some things that I just shouldn’t know if it won’t do me any good and I can’t understand why anyone would want to share such information with me—particularly when I don’t need to hear it.
I hate it very much when people say they’ll call me and they don’t. I hate it very much when people pull out of a commitment at the last minute without fail. I hate it very much when people insist that you mean something, anything to them and then do next to nothing to demonstrate it.
So if you think you’re close to me, then consider what I’ve just written and whether or not you’re a guilty culprit. Because if you are, then you’re probably not as close to me as you think.