I’ve just woken from a dream that is going to mentally screw me over quite badly for the next couple days or more—which is something I really don’t need in my current state.  My head is heavy with the already prevalent tormenting thoughts and visions as it is.

This is something I’ve successfully avoided thinking about for almost a year now and I don’t know why I’ve gone into some sort of relapse.  Funnily enough though, it’s something I always saw and feared happening.

The more I think about this now, the worse I’m feeling and I know that if I don’t get my mind off it soon then I’m probably going to get myself quite depressed—again—but back when this was a major issue in my life (albeit for no deserved reason) I had no hope of such distraction.

I’m also stuck at home all day today, alone, which really won’t help.

It seems that my best options at the moment are developing dipsomania or undergoing a lobotomy… and I know which one is more affordable with less physical scarring as a result.  Or, perhaps I could try getting in touch with people from my old high school class.  I don’t understand why I’ve had this sudden desire for a couple days now, but perhaps if I make contact with these people in question again then I’ll start feeling a whole lot better about everything.

Why is it that everyone has better things to do at the only times I really feel the need to be around others?  Pot luck?